What Do I Say?
The Therapist's Guide to Answering Client Questions
1. Edition June 2011
384 Pages, Softcover
Wiley & Sons Ltd
The must-have guide to honestly and sensitively answering your
clients' questions
Written to help therapists view their clients' questions as
collaborative elements of clinical work, What Do I Say? explores
the questions--some direct, others unspoken--that all
therapists, at one time or another, will encounter from clients.
Authors and practicing therapists Linda Edelstein and Charles
Waehler take a thought-provoking look at how answers to clients'
questions shape a therapeutic climate of expression that encourages
personal discovery and growth.
Strategically arranged in a question-and-answer format for ease
of use, this hands-on guide is conversational in tone and filled
with personal examples from experienced therapists on twenty-three
hot-button topics, including religion, sex, money, and boundaries.
What Do I Say? tackles actual client questions, such as:
* Can you help me? (Chapter 1, The Early Sessions)
* Sorry I am late. Can we have extra time? (Chapter 9,
Boundaries)
* I don't believe in all this therapy crap. What do you think
about that? (Chapter 3, Therapeutic Process)
* Why is change so hard? (Chapter 4, Expectations About
Change)
* Will you attend my graduation/wedding/musical
performance/speech/business grand opening? (Chapter 20, Out of the
Office)
* Where are you going on vacation? (Chapter 10, Personal
Questions)
* I gave your name to a friend . . . Will you see her? (Chapter 9,
Boundaries)
* Should I pray about my problems? (Chapter 12, Religion and
Spirituality)
* Are you like all those other liberals who believe gay people
have equal rights? (Chapter 13, Prejudice)
The power of therapy lies in the freedom it offers clients to
discuss anything and everything. It's not surprising then, that
clients will surprise therapists with their experiences and
sometimes with the questions they ask. What Do I Say? reveals how
these questions--no matter how difficult or
uncomfortable--can be used to support the therapeutic process
rather than derail the therapist-client relationship.
Acknowledgments xv
PART 1 Client Questions in a Broad Context
Introduction to Part 1 1
Why Do Clients' Questions Cause Apprehension? 3
What Do the Different Theories Advise? 5
Remember, It's Not About You 11
Guidelines for Answering Questions 13
Style and Language Considerations 17
Further Thoughts 23
PART 2 Client Questions and Responses by Topic
Introduction to Part 2 25
1 The Early Sessions 27
2 Experience 43
3 Therapeutic Process 54
4 Expectations About Change 70
5 Techniques 80
6 Professional Role 94
7 Money 107
8 Confidentiality 119
9 Boundaries 131
10 Personal Questions 148
11 Sexuality 169
12 Religion and Spirituality 185
13 Prejudice 201
14 Stigma 209
15 Physical Appearance 217
16 Dreams 233
17 Therapists' Reactions 245
18 Individual and Cultural Differences 259
19 Involving Others 273
20 Out of the Office 285
21 Keeping in Touch 304
22 Life Events 314
23 Ending Therapy 324
Concluding Thoughts 343
References 347
Index 351
About the Authors 357
"This book is terrific. As a seasoned psychotherapist and
instructor, I found it to be an intelligent and sensitive guide
that will shepherd therapists through the potential pitfalls of
client questions--especially those that snag us at the
beginning of our careers. It is a deftly written wellspring of
practical advice that will allay the anxieties of students and
therapists alike."
--Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D., LCSW, Director of MSW
Program, Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey
"On one level, What Do I Say? is a practical "how to" guide
offering some excellent suggestions for responding to the many
questions that clients can ask. But dig deeper and you'll also find
an in-depth exploration of the therapeutic relationship and the
ways in which questions from clients are opportunities to explore
and to strengthen this relationship."
--Mary Kate Reese, PhD, LPC, NCC, Professor and
Associate Chair, Counseling Department Argosy University
"I commend the authors for an excellent contribution to the
literature on therapy process and how to navigate the many
challenges we face as working clinicians. In our training, we spend
so much time on the bigger picture and many times have little
opportunity to try our hand at the individual questions that will
surely arise in our work with others. What Do I Say? is the perfect
remedy, and this is the most practical book I have come across in
my training and professional development."
--Raymond L. Sheets, Jr., M.A., 5th Year Ph.D. Student
in Counseling Psychology Western Michigan University
psychologist with thirty years' experience. She has been teaching
graduate students since 1987. For the last seven years, she has
taught a popular graduate course entitled Adult Development at
Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. Prior to this
appointment, she was on the faculty at the Chicago School of
Professional Psychology for fifteen years, where students twice
voted her Teacher of the Year. She maintains a practice in Evanston
and Chicago.
Charles A. Waehler, PhD, is an Associate Professor in the
Collaborative Program in Counseling Psychology at The University of
Akron. He has taught both beginning and advanced practica,
assessment courses, and classes in personality and psychopathology.
Dr. Waehler is a Fellow in the Society for Personality Assessment.
Throughout his academic career, Dr. Waehler has been a practicing
psychologist seeing individual adolescents and adults. For the last
fifteen years, he has been affiliated with Cornerstone
Psychological Services in Medina, Ohio. His research interests
include the counseling process and personality assessment.
